Just Leave
I am a preschool teacher who deals with tearful separations professionally every day, and I can assure you that, in most cases, the amount of time your child spends in tears is directly proportional to the amount of time you spend lingering. I know it is difficult for parents to leave their child in tears — but if the separation is done right, they won't remain that way for long.
Within a few minutes of most goodbyes, the crying child is usually engaged with an activity, a friend, or a caregiver — and has forgotten, for now, that they were ever distressed. You, still in the parking lot, are suffering far more than they are. This is worth knowing.
Don't: Sneak Out When They're Not Looking
Sneaking out is an easy way to avoid having a child you love scream in your face, but it doesn't help the problem — it makes it worse. Your child is anxious about abandonment. When they look up and find you gone without warning, that fear is confirmed and deepened. The next drop-off will likely be harder because of it. The brief distress of a witnessed goodbye is far less damaging than the longer anxiety of unexplained disappearance.
Don't: Give In to Clinging
When your child clings to you and you stay longer in response, or come back after you've left, you are teaching them something very clear: clinging works. You will stay. Or return. The clinging behaviour is reinforced and will intensify. I know this feels cruel. It isn't. The kind thing — the thing that actually reduces their distress over time — is a confident, warm, predictable goodbye that reliably ends with you leaving and reliably ends with them being fine.
The Quick, Confident Goodbye
Do have a goodbye ritual and keep it consistent. A hug, a specific phrase, a kiss on the forehead. Something your child can predict and rely on. Do say goodbye clearly and warmly. Do leave after the goodbye — don't hover at the door. Do trust the caregivers who are watching your child settle after you go. They see it happen every day. Your child is going to be fine. Getting yourself out the door is the gift that makes the rest of the day possible for everyone.